


Cultivating Real Life

by Gaynin



Category: Pacific Rim (2013)
Genre: Developing Relationship, F/F, Femslash, Girl!Hermann, Multichapter, girl!newt
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-03-03
Updated: 2014-03-09
Packaged: 2018-01-14 11:38:54
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,608
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1265137
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Gaynin/pseuds/Gaynin
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Newt has a giant crush on her new lab partner/childhood hero but things aren't so easy outside of fantasies.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Bad First Impressions

**Author's Note:**

> First multi chaptered fic! Explicit for later chapters. I promise it gets good.
> 
> Enjoy!
> 
> ~~~

It didn’t take long for Newt to realize she had a crush, and it didn’t really surprise her.

From the moment she saw for herself the stout, stuffy, prim and proper woman she’d finally be able to call her lab partner she knew there was something even more about her, more than her genius, that made Newt smile goofily at her in an instant. Her grin being met with a skeptical brow as she stuck her hand out at the lady. 

“Geiszler! Newton Geiszler, but you can call me Newt.”

“Dr. Geiszler.” came her immediate, curt response. Which made her laugh, but she also noticed she didn’t take her hand, just stared at it.

Pentecost’s next words made her giddy nervousness intensify in a pleasant way. “This is Dr. Hermann Gottlieb. She wrote the code for the first Jaeger and you two will be working together to find the breach and figure out how it works and how to close it.”

“I know that and I know that.” she teased the Marshal before turning her attention toward the sharp featured woman. “I’ve read every article you’ve published, I’m a big fan.” she said in that dopey way that made her think she should really get more sleep.

“And I’ve read… some of yours..” Hermann mumbled as she looked down at Newt’s forearms with a grimace. Newt looked down to see her tattoo exposed and snarling at her.

Oh, aheh. Right.

“Uh I’m not like… a Kauju groupie or anything, I just find them fascinating and uh, I can get a little too enthusiastic when I write cuz there’s no one there to tell me to shut the-.. hell up.”

Hermann pressed her lips tightly together and gave a quick nod before the Marshal escorted her to a tour of the dome, something Newt had the faint inkling she was going to be asked to do before she fucked up their first meeting.

Well… that could’ve gone better.

Newton had always been lousy at first impressions, and having to explain why she had the giant monsters she was studying to defeat tattooed all over her body was always awkward and usually an impossible feat seeing as she would ramble and blather until they thought she was weirder than they had suspected. And the few people who liked the tats were very… strange. It seemed no one got it.

It’s just… she was a biologist.

She’d always been fascinated by nature's strangest creatures, reptiles especially. And now, in her lifetime, a completely new species just popped out of nowhere and got- no, demanded everyone’s attention.

Just out of the deep blue, not waiting for us to go and search for it but instead coming to find us like ‘Sup fuckers?’

How is that not badass?

Real life Godzilla, bigger than we’d imagined them, and evolved to carry weapons of mass destruction in their gullet.

Just… wow dude.

And now her she was devoting her life to studying them. Digging elbows deep into their remains, getting a better understanding of them. Hell they inspired us to build actual giant robots to fight them. This is some sci-fi-movie-lovin geek’s dream.

Her dream.

Of course she’d get some sweet sleeves to memorialize these incredible events.

It’s wasn’t some ‘fuck you’ to society, of course she had respect for those who lost their lives, friends and families. She’d lost some too.

But this is her life now. It just... made sense to her.

She did make sure she had them covered when she met little Mako for the first time. Mako grew up to be one of the few who understood what they meant for Newt, being the only person who let Newton go on and on about her fascination with the polite attention she’s sure Stacker drilled into her. Good kid.

But it didn’t seem Hermann appreciated the art, or how unapologetic Newt was in her interest of the Kaiju. She didn’t mention the tattoos directly though, not yet at least.

Usually Newt could easily brush off what people thought of her but dammit she really wanted to make a good impression on this woman. She liked her in a lot of ways, her brain a big one, but also her confidence and sense of humor that showed in her witty comebacks she always had for interviewers or inquisitive scientists. They weren’t all jokes either. Some were eloquent ‘Fuck you’s.

She not only reminded Newt of the female scientists who inspired her, Dr. Marie Curie, Dr. Rosalind Franklin, and especially Dr. Maria Mayer (what with the German reppin’ and all.) but Dr. Hermann Gottlieb was one of them.

Newt started following her work when she first got into MIT at the age of 14, feeling so out of place, being subjected to taunts daily, wondering if it was all worth it. 

Newt had been researching young proteges like herself just to see if maybe there was hope for her when she read an interview with Dr. Gottlieb on being a young woman in her field and how the men (who she’d surpassed quickly) felt about it and she’ll always remember the quote:

“My colleagues needn’t worry about my age nor gender but about the trail of dust I’m leaving in my wake before it becomes too difficult for them to breath.”

Bad

ass.

Newt hung it in her dorm, it got her through her first two doctorates.

It was another dream come true to be working in the same lab as the her, (to be breathing the same air if she was honest with the fangirl within,) to have the chance to shake her hand, but stupid Trespasser cockblocked that. 

And Newt would be lying if she said she didn’t find Hermann’s odd sense of fashion (grandma-chic) endearing and her striking facial features and the shape of her body Newt could make out through the baggy clothing incredibly attractive. Heart beat picking up at the sight. Yeah, this was a woman Newton wanted to impress, but it seemed the universe decided to choose now to get back at her for all the minor offenses she’s cultivated throughout her life, that merciless, time bidding, bitch.

And it just kept getting worse.

Newt trudged back to her lab to find a gawking Hermann Gottlieb, looking green, at the mess of the formally solely occupied lab.

Oops.

Newt barely had any time to prepare for Hermann’s arrival, barely did her laundry in time to not smell like decaying alien corpses and coffee. It hadn’t even occurred to her to have the lab spruced up and space made for her science girlcrush to have a place to, ya know, work.

God dammit.

Pentecost’s hand on her forehead rubbing her temples said the same thing. To her credit her voice was even and only slightly booming when she spoke. “Dr. Geiszler, please see to it that this mess be cleaned up and-”

“That won’t be necessary Marshal,” Hermann spoke clearing her throat “I wouldn’t want to intrude on Dr. Geiszler’s-” the piece of a Kaiju brain deciding now was a good time to thunk a tube-like appendage against it’s glass “...research. I’ll be perfectly fine taking a separate lab.”

Okay. No big. Your hero just hates you and wants to be as far away from you as possible. Ouch.

Newt whimpered like a wounded dog and tried making herself smaller but instead made both women turn and look at her, and it is not helping make this not the worst day of her life. 

Stacker spoke again “I’m afraid that’s not going to be possible. To put it lightly, it’s a grace from God himself that we can even power one laboratory. We all must try and work with what we have.” and Hermann just gives a grimace towards Newt that makes her think she’s been demoted to “it” pronouns. Joy.

Newt does her best cleaning half of the lab for her new, apparent, hostage while some jaeger pilots move Hermann’s stuff into the lab. When everything’s moved in, the lab door closes with a loud eerie screech. Leaving Newt alone for the first time with her teen hero, scientific inspiration, idol crush, new lab partner and, as it so happens, person who wants nothing to do with her.

Hermann simply turns to her and gives her a cautious look like Newt’s going to grow fangs and attack if she makes any sudden movements, then she straightens and clears her throat “I must request, Dr. Geiszler, that you keep any and all... entrails on your side of the lab, and that this space remains quiet.”

It worries Newt just how much that strict, professor-like tone makes her shiver internally and blush.

Newt’s never been very tactful, so at that moment she decides it’s perfectly appropriate to attempt flirting.

“Sure thing, Professor.” she giggles with a toothy grin, and best sexy stare.

Hermann snapped her head up to shoot an incredulous look toward her.

“A-... Are you mocking me?!” Hermann nearly squeals.

“N-NO! I was-”

“Because let me assure you, young lady, you are in no position to mock anyone! How you are even allowed to work here is beyond me! Honestly! You’re disorganized with no sense of respect toward ANYTHING! This cause! This space! Yourself! If your hygiene and those atrocious markings are any indication-”

“WELL AT LEAST I DON’T WALK AROUND LIKE I’M BETTER THAN EVERY FUCKIN BODY YOU OLD HAG!”

Newton regrets the words in her heart immediately, but her temper is still hot and fuming, so she doesn’t take them back.

“...How DARE you!?” Hermann bellows “I swear! I am marching down this instant to inform the Marshal I will not be subjected to work with a cretin like you!”

“BE MY FUCKIN GUEST SUGAR QUEEN! Have fun on that little march for all I give a shit!”

Newt then storms to her dissection table, slicing open tissue in a not entirely surgical way, while Hermann marches right through the heavy doors, heaving them open with the strength of a truly angry German woman.

After an hour or so Hermann returns, pushing the doors closed behind her defeatedly.

Newton doesn’t look up, though she wants to. She still has on a mean mug though on the inside all she really wants to do is apologize and have a sappy make up moment with the woman, were in there after they become best friends… but life doesn’t work that way.

It takes a long time before Hermann says anything, and when she does Newt kinda wishes she didn’t.

“For the sake of people far more important to me than you,” god did that hurt “I will maintain a completely professional relationship with you… but you are never to speak to me unless it is work related or an emergency.”

Newt’s heart sunk and she got that same feeling she got when she had that one, ugly fight with her mother. That one that told Newt how Ms. Schwartz really felt about her. The last time she had ever spoken to the woman.

She almost started crying, but instead she did the same thing she did that night her mother called her a ‘mistake she’d rather forget about’. She sat silently, head down, and let the woman walk away.

Newt stayed late that night, like most nights, but instead of falling asleep in the middle of a pseudo breakthrough, she fell asleep with tear streaks streamed down her cheeks and a shot of emergency liquor in her to numb the pain.

The next morning Newt was startled awake by Hermann entering the lab, making Hermann jump as well. Newt’s eyes still stung, and she was sure they were red, but she just adjusted her glasses and got back to work.

She missed lunch… again. 

When it was time to punch out she decided it was best she’d spend the night in her small, cluttered, lonely room.


	2. Not The Way I Wanted to Bond

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bonding's never been so bittersweet.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another chapter woo! Trying for an update every other day since I have 3 prewritten chapters and two still under production but ya know.
> 
> Enjoy!
> 
> ~~~

They had been walking and bickering about strictly work related things down a hallway when Hermann halted, almost tripping as she did so and Newton instinctively grabbed her arm to keep her up. When Hermann didn’t look at her, or say thank you, Newton followed her eyes to a tall grey haired man at the end of the hall talking to the Marshal.

The man and Stacker were approaching and Hermann stayed frozen, like a deer caught in headlights. Newton would’ve laughed if she wasn’t so confused.

The man walked next to them, made eye contact with Newt and then Hermann and continued walking. Hermann’s head followed the man until he disappeared behind the corner. Newt opened her mouth to say something but stopped when she saw a sad look pass over Hermann’s face, quickly leaving when Hermann noticed Newton’s hands still on her arm. She jerked out of the grip and marched away.

Late that night Newton snuck back in the lab to work out the hypothesis that woke her up and found Hermann, at her desk, bottle in hand, sulking.

It was the saddest sight Newt ever saw. The bags under her eyes dark. Her faced sagged and her usually sharp eyes drooped, red from past tears, and that fact made Newton’s heart drop.

Hermann played with the glass in her hand, holding on to the bottle’s neck with the other. Lips pressed thin, nose red, hair a mess. Usually sharp shoulders completely slouched. Shirt unbuttoned at the top, neck red.

Newt was a bit startled, she wasn’t sure if she should leave. Maybe Hermann was an angry drunk, and all the fighting they’ve done all month will be expressed through a punch in the face. But just the pure sorrow in Hermann’s face made her approach the sullen woman anyway.

“Hey.” 

Hermann didn’t look at her, or make a noise, just rotated the cup in her hands. Newt took a hesitant seat on the edge of her desk.

“So I know you don’t like, love me or anything but I’m pretty good drinking company… and I’ve got ears and stuff so-”

“I hate that man.” her voice came out hoarse and she took another drink, sniffing.

Newt knew exactly who they were talking about but had no idea who he was.

“Who is he to you?” she asked cautiously.

“My blasted father.”

Oh.

oh.

“He’s a prick, an unmagnificent bastard.”

“You might not believe me but I totally get you.”

Hermann looked up at that and glared “You’re right, I don’t believe you. You have no idea what that man put me through. Years of pushing me to my breaking point, of ignoring me, of telling me I’ll never be good enough-”

“Last time I saw my mom she told me I was the reason her life got shot in the head and she wouldn’t care if the same happened to me.”

Hermann went completely silent. When Newt chanced a look over at her, her face was fallen in shock.

“I’m… I’m so sorry.”

“Yeah well…” Newt grabbed the bottle from Hermann’s slack hand and drank, savoring the burn on the way down “illegitimate kid and all, comes with the territory. You trade in a would be happy family for a horrible mom and a good dad who’s just a wee bit depressed all the time and you get all the pleasure of knowing it’s your fault.”

“Newton,” Newt was mid swig when she looked over “it seems I have misjudged you… perhaps not for the first time.”

Newt swallowed, this felt bittersweet and not really how she wanted them to bond. Through mutual parental suckiness.

“Nah don’t worry about it. Just ya know. You play with the hand you’re dealt ya know? And you didn’t do too bad.”

Hermann nodded and wiped her nose with her handkerchief. Two thoughts came to Newt then; ‘Who uses handkerchiefs?’ and ‘Did I actually not totally fuck up a conversation with her for once?’

“Thank you Newton, I… feel, better.” 

“That’s good.” Newt wasn’t feeling too great herself though.

“I want to apologize to you… I feel perhaps I was too hard on you the first time we met. I thought about what you said, about me thinking I’m better than everyone… truth be told, I don’t. I never have. I just act so… authoritative towards people because that’s the only way I get taken seriously.”

Newt nods, she gets that. It’s not easy being a woman in their field. You really can’t afford to be a sweet little bumpkin of a person.

“I’m sorry too. You’re not an old hag, I’m just… good at insulting people. Cuz I’m a bitch.”

Hermann honest to god laughed at that. She had a warm laugh.

Newt smiled “So does that mean we can call off the whole ‘Don’t talk to me unless you’re dying’ thing?”

“It most certainly does.” she chuckled and grabbed Newt’s hand, holding it in hers.

Newt’s heart hammered in her chest, trying to remind herself that the woman’s drunk. It didn’t stop her from squeezing it though, from savoring the warmth of it before she made herself break apart at an appropriate time.

“Kay well if you need anything else, like some more drinking company, just let me know.” and she headed for her side to get to work.

“Actually Newton, I’m rather tired… and rather drunk. I would appreciate it if you could help me to my room?”

Newt blushed at the weird fantasy that began playing out in her head but shook the thought. ‘Real life Newt, real life consequences.’ and agreed purely out of courtesy and nothing gross. Lending a hand to help her up and an arm around her waist to keep her stable.

“I always thought I was short, being the runt of my family, but then I met Newton Geiszler.” she mused, taking another sip of her drink.

“Imma let that one slide on account of you’re drunk and we just made peace but I am going take that away from you.” and take the bottle she did.

“And then I always thought I was no fun, until I met Newt-”

“I’ll drop you right now and won’t feel sorry.”

Hermann chuckled “Sorry, sweet.” and she laid a peck to her cheek.

She blushed “Jeez, a couple drinks and sob story and you’re ready to go. Man, you’re easy.”

Hermann gave a short mischievous laugh that made Newt’s body pulse with arousal. But she led the drunk the rest of the way to her room and let her go like a decent person.

“‘Night, slut.” Newt smiled at her, hoping she’ll know she’s kidding.

Hermann laughed again “Goodnight Geiszler.” and she closed the door.

~~~

The next day they bickered and argued and Hermann got her coffee.

They definitely were still destined to be at each others throats but it felt less like hatred and more like a healthy rivalry. They felt less like two people in a horribly unfortunate situation stuck together by cruel fate, and more like actual lab partners.

It was… better. A lot better. In fact Newt really wouldn’t have it any other way.

Okay well maybe some making out would be better but still.

This was good.


	3. The Balm to My Being

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Trying times call for trying relationships.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! Sorry for the lateness! Life happened... yuck.  
> That being said this is the last prewritten chapter so please forgive any probable delays.
> 
> Also Trigger Warning for a brief Panic Attack, it get's nice though I promise.
> 
> Enjoy!
> 
> ~~~

When the stress increases so does their hostility.

Their fights would flare and the worst ones would result in days of silent treatments. Newt’s work would suffer and her heart would feel heavy until she either swallowed her pride and left a peace offering on Hermann’s desk, i.e. tea, or finds a cup of coffee on her own desk.

The worst part is she knows she loves her.

She’s been trying to deny her heart telling her the obvious with in her face signs. The way everything feels hollow without her in the room. The way she feels safe when she’s next to her. The way she gets worried and protective when Hermann’s vulnerable. The way her heart jumps in her throat when she can manage to make her smile or, on the victorious of occasions, laugh.

She still reads every new paper Hermann publishes. They drink together in celebration and sometimes sorrow and Newt doesn’t miss the opportunity to hold her hand. Sometimes Newt pretends she’s still sleeping and watches Hermann move throughout the lab. Her hips, her legs on days it’s warm enough for her to wear skirts, her neck, her lips. Her chest under shirts that actually fit creating lovely stretching in the fabric and bulges Newt wants to touch or lay her head on depending on her energy level. Every part of Hermann fills her with affection and desire.

Once on a night the air was thick and humid from an oncoming hurricane, Hermann was in terrible pain.

“Hey, hey sit down.” Newt tried not to shout as Hermann bent over clutching her thigh and groaning in agony. Hermann did so while Newt rushed over to her side of the lab getting down on one knee in front of her.

“Where does it hurt?” she asked as she slid her hands under Hermanns skirt to rub feather light circles on her thigh, trying to tell her what she intended to do.

Hermann guided her hands to the exact spot and pressed Newt’s fingers in until she took over and began a deep tissue massage, unfortunately dry but thankfully still effective. Hermann let out groans that sounded less painful and Newt tried to focus and remind herself this was not a sexual situation and to behave herself.

“Where did you learn this?” she sighed and it was not helping calm Newt’s libido that her voice sounded all strained and breathy.

“I’ve um, always been good with my hands, my Dad get’s really bad back pains so I help him out sometimes when I’m home.”

Hermann sighed “That can’t all be natural talent,” she smiled lazily at her, making Newt’s heart skip a beat “you seem to have a precise technique.”

“I may have also taken a course in between degrees, but pretend I didn’t if you’d be more impressed if it was a god given gift.” she smiled shyly. ‘God Newt, just give yourself away. Might as well confess your love.’ that made her heart skip again, because it was the first time she ever admitted it to herself.

Hermann chuckled warmly and put a hand on her cheek “I’m still impressed, and thank you.” she was melting her and didn’t even know it.

“No problem.” Newt said in a small voice, standing up. She didn’t want to stop touching her but she also didn’t want Hermann to tell her to get her hands off her you creep.

Newt touched herself that night for the first time letting it all be unrestrained thoughts of Hermann. Of her hands and thighs that were warm and silky. She stopped pretending it wasn’t Hermann, just someone who looked and sounded like her, and was honest with herself and her desire, which was scary in it’s own way. Now she’s not ‘Newton Geiszler, woman who actually maybe sorta likes Hermann in a totally not inappropriate way I swear.’ she’s ‘Newton Geiszler, woman who is hopelessly in love with Hermann Gottlieb and it’s pretty inappropriate how much she wants her.’

Now she had to walk around like that.

The stress of trying to stop the world from ending, lying everyday about how much she wants to hold her beautiful lab partner, and trying her damnedest to get this damn paper in to Stacker on time made her crack and she found herself in a full blown panic attack. She was crying uncontrollably and hyperventilating in her chair, at her desk, in the in the middle of the day, with Hermann in the room, and in the body of a supposed full grown woman. Things couldn’t be much worse.

She was holding her head and rocking in her chair, shaking like mad, like if she just shook hard enough her soul would fly out of her and everything will just go away.

Her rocking slowed and she wasn’t sure why until her senses focused enough to feel a hand on her back rubbing circles and it felt like balm to her very being. She could hear whispers in her ear but the soothing kind, the kind that told her “Everything’s going to be all right. You’re okay. I’m here. I’m not leaving.” she could feel them too, feel the whispers being murmured against her temple and the lips that were saying them. She felt significantly more warm on one side and the warmth was solid, but soft. “Newton” the whispers said “Newton” “Newton”…

“Newton.” Hermann spoke gently in her hair, one hand on her back the other trying to hold a clenched fist “Newton it’s okay, please, speak to me.”

She couldn’t speak though, only try and stop crying.

“What do you need Newton? How can I help you?”

Newton unclenched her fist as much as she could and turned her palm towards Hermann’s who grabbed it immediately.

“There you are love, see? It’s okay.” Newt turned her head and buried it in Hermann’s chest, she could hear a steady heartbeat and breathing lungs and the low rumble of Hermann’s voice. She felt fingers stroking her hair.

“That’s a girl, that’s a good girl shshshh” It felt good to be called that, her mind warmed and hummed with memories of her papa praising her and showering her with love. She hadn’t felt this safe since those times long past. 

Her crying diminished into sniffs and sighs and her shaking only a slight trembling. Her arm, not being held, came up to wrap around Hermann’s waist. She felt good. Holdable. Huggable. Newt wasn’t sure she would be able to stop holding her.

“It’s okay love, I know. It’s too much. Too much for one soul to whether alone. But you’re not alone. I’m here. I’m always here. We’re strong together Newton. I feel strong with you. We’re not alone either. There’s a lot of good people here still fighting. Please don’t feel alone sweetheart. You’re never alone.”

Newt was still and quiet and her spirit felt so too. Her mind never felt so calm, like sand being brushed off a slate. She nuzzled closer to her chest, sure this would be the last time she would be allowed to do so. A kiss was laid to her head, followed by the comb of Hermann’s long fingers. 

“There now love. All better.” Newt looked up and saw Hermann’s warm smile.

She almost said it, almost said she loved her. But the lump in her throat and dry tongue stopped her from speaking, that and her own fear.

Hermann pulled back from her, to Newt’s regret “I’ll be back in a moment, I’m just going to speak to the Marshal and ask her to give you some more time for your report.” she moved Newt’s bangs out of her face with her fingertips gently.

“Tha-” Newt started but her throat was so dry.

“Do you need water?” Newt nodded. Hermann got her a bottle from the mini fridge, excused herself, and left the lab.

Newton drank and felt embarrassed for herself, for the episode and for… feeling loved.

Hermann was just being really patient. Her partner just broke down in the middle of the lab, she just needed to get her to pull herself together and get back to work. She probably would have done the same for anyone... she probably felt sorry for her.

Hermann came back and smiled at her. But Newt bowed her head, thoroughly ashamed and tried her best to get back to work, and ignore the lingering warmth and scent of Hermann.

**Author's Note:**

> ~~~
> 
> yeah there's a little MPGiS ref in there. Imma dork.
> 
> Things get less depressing I promise


End file.
